1.      Take it Easy on Yourself   Before I learned any better, I would wake up in the morning dreading the day ahead, faced with all of the millions of things I had to do or wanted to do.  I didn’t realized that just by waking up I was enough.  I admit it, I was a perfectionist so focused on all of the things that I needed to do to improve myself; I had to exercise, I had to be a better Mom, I needed to make a difference, I needed to work on my patience, and so on and so on.  I was exhausted before I stepped one foot out of the bed.  That’s no way to live life.  So, I took a deep breathe, and began appreciating life.  Now, i wake each day grateful for the day ahead, I savor my son, my relationships and cherish my life.  No I shine because I’m ME.  So don’t be so hard on yourself, lighten up and realize YOU are ENOUGH!

2.      Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body  Connect with your inner wisdom and get out of all the thoughts spinning in your head.  When your child is upset and needs something that is happening NOW, not in the past.  So don’t spin in circles in your brain trying to figure everything out.  Don’t let panic set in, connect with yourself on a deeper level.  Trust your gut, your instincts and divine guidance.  Let your body show you the way and feel wisdom from the ages course within you.  Trust that you have the answers and the love of the universe – this is what being a sensual woman is all about.

 3.      Ground Yourself  No, I’m not talking about punishment, I’m talking about connecting with the earth.  The easiest way for me to find peace and feel powerful is to imagine my feet are an extension of the earth, and then I breathe in, feel connected to the ground and all that is around me and I nourish my body. When you’re sleep deprived you may not be able to find your center and calmness.  You find yourself overwhelmed and prone to fear with a closed heart.  You can’t make solid decisions or have the life you deserve until you ground yourself.  So take time to connect and find your calmness and remind yourself that you can handle everything.  Walk the earth as if your feet are making love to it.  Then notice how your heart expands with faith, your shoulders relax, your tummy softens, and how you now feel that you are a luminous, beautiful, sensual being.

 4.      Stop Striving for Perfection  We all want to be the perfect mom.  Which means if everyone is striving for the same goal – there is no such thing!  When you realize your kids are fine when you’re not there, that you can’t do as much now that you have kids, and that you can’t possibly live up to this crazy standard society has created – the easier Motherhood becomes.  You will be a better Mom because you will be more relaxed, you will love yourself and this love will radiate out for everyone to see.  You will be the Mom that everyone wants to be around and a truly sexy woman.

 5.      Get an Energy Boost  Stop relying on coffee and Red Bull to get you the day.  Find the energy that exists within you.  There are natural ways to reenergize.  When you are out on a walk listen to a meditation CD, put on your favorite music and have a dance party with the kids – you’ll be amazed how great this makes you feel!  When the kids take a nap, you should take a nap too – even if it’s just 20 minutes – the laundry can wait!  The kids will appreciate that they wake up to fun, lively Mom who has the energy to keep up with them.  At the end of the day, take some extra time for yourself to have a hot bath, a good cry if you need it and you’ll be amazed how much your energy will increase.  More energy will help you in every way and make you shine from the inside out.  

Never forget you are not just beautiful, you are beauty. You are not just sensual, you are Sensuality itself. You are an amazing woman, a gift to your children, your partner, your friends and community. You are a light in this world. Do all you can to shine fully by taking good care of yourself, taking time for yourself, and being exactly who you are.

 1. Feeling vs. Reacting: Ever “freak out” in the grocery store because you’re stuck in a long line, or cry for “no reason”?  What’s that really about?  As Mom’s we are so busy taking care of everyone and everything else that we rarely (if ever!) take care of ourselves.  We just go through life and never take the time to check in with ourselves to see how we feel.  I know you’re busy, but what is more important than scheduling time for YOU?  There are a few small things you can do  – take a bath and reflect on your feelings and have a good cry, keep a journal and write down your thoughts before bedtime; have a million things running through your mind – write them down in a planner to get them out of your mind so you can simply BE.  Everyone has the same 24 hours a day, make yours more about YOU.  If you don’t schedule YOU time, it won’t happen and your inner voice won’t be heard. You’re worth it, so get scheduling! 

 For more tips on self-reflection and dealing with your feelings, read Cheri Huber’s book There’s Nothing Wrong with You.

 2. You Can Handle Anything: Don’t you love it when your child has a tantrum at the shopping mall?  How do you handle that?  Do you focus on your embarrassment, and worry that everyone is thinking you’re a bad parent?  Resist it!  Take a deep breathe, don’t react to the judgments of others and affirm to yourself that you can handle this.  You’ll find it’s much easier when you’re not so concerned with outside forces.  It takes a lot to be a sensual woman in the midst of chaos, but you can have an open heart no matter what situation you face. 

I’ve found that Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen is a great read to help you hold children accountable with their (and your) self-respect intact.

 3. Wandering Eyes: How do you react when you’re out with your man, and you see him notice another woman as she walks by?  Do you immediately get snippy with him, or feel horrible about yourself?  Maybe you haven’t lost that last bit of baby weight, didn’t sleep well so you have bags under your eyes, or just haven’t had any real “me” time lately.  That’s no reason to feel bad or get upset.  Instead, react positively, and accept the moment as a gift.  The woman is your mirror.  You are a radiant woman too.  What about her do you find attractive and could you mirror in your own life.  Take it as a reminder to take better care of yourself.  Don’t be upset with the woman, your man or you.  Be happy, open up and let yourself truly shine.  You’ll be amazed how great the rest of the night will be.  Your man will notice how you shine and be memorized with you. 

 For some great advice on how to attract and keep a man capable of meeting what you most passionately yearn for read Dear Lover, by David Deida.

 4. Silly is Sexy: As a Mom you want to raise well-mannered children, but you also need to bust out and have some fun!  Every once in awhile my son and I get silly and dance on our coffee-table, or make a fort and eat fun food with our fingers.  There’s nothing better than having some chicken fingers in our mock tent.  The other day the weather was great so we had the sprinklers running and I brought out some shaving cream and we had a huge battle.  It was so funny, we ended up having shaving cream Mohawks!  Then my boyfriend came home saw the fun and helped wash us off with the hose, and guess what?  At the moment when I must’ve looked crazy, he found me sexy.  You see, sexy is all about being free with your body and losing yourself and the moment exactly as it is.  So loosen up and go have some fun! 

 For some fun advice on how to live more fully, check out Fabulous Friendship Festival, Loving Wildly, Learning Deeply, Living Fully with Our Friends by my inspirational friend SARK.

 Now, go out there and be the best YOU and Mom you can be!

1. Boogie Down! Once the kids are asleep, put on your favorite tunes – find the songs that make you really want to groove.  Don’t have any cool CD’s except the Wiggles?  Then, go to Pandora, a free online radio site and create your personal channel selecting artists that make you want to shake your booty.  Then dance, dance, dance to release all the stress of the day, any self judgments and commit to love yourself exactly as you are. Dance because you’re alive, because you’re a mom, a lover, a woman. Dance as if being single was the best thing that ever happened to you!!  You’ll feel energized, sexy and renewed. 

2. Shop ‘Til You Drop: Get creative – you may not have the extra cash to buy new, but someone else’s “old” can be your new favorite outfit.  Trade clothes with a friend, browse local thrift shops, or organize a clothes swap with your mom’s group.  Do it now, don’t wait until you lose those last few pounds.  It’s time to feel good about you TODAY!   Why would you withhold loving yourself?  Stop resisting and let your own beauty shine today!

3. Outsource! Outsource is the new buzzword, and it’s not just for business anymore.   You can’t do everything by yourself, get some help.  Remember, your time is valuable and worth a lot – treat time as one of your most important commodities.  When you spend an hour grocery shopping, that’s an hour lost spending time with the kids or on nourishing you.  So, shop for groceries online, use a dry-cleaning delivery service, hire the kid next door to maintain your lawn, look at all of the items on your to-do list and think of ways to enlist some much deserved support.  Even if it frees up 2 hours a week – that’s 2 hours that you can use as sacred time to nourish your soul, to heal, to find your power again.

 4. Let Go! Don’t beat yourself up – you didn’t do anything wrong to become a single mom. You did your very best and still are doing your best, so forgive yourself.  Don’t dwell on negatives.  Turn the lessons you learned into gifts.  You are wiser, more confident and know what you want and need to make you truly happy.  So, hold your head up high, open up that heart, and remind yourself what you’re grateful for.  Think about starting a gratitude journal, write down at least one thing every day that you are truly grateful for; a lesson you’ve learned, the sun shining, your smiling child.  Then remember that you are worthy of love and support because you are YOU!!

 Alright Mom’s I’m challenging you to take action today and be like Stella, and go get your groove back!  Then, come back and share your grooving experiences!

If you on the quest to find your man or you are in a relationship that needs a jump-start, enjoy these tools that will help you have flourishing families and thriving relationships.   They’ve worked for my clients so I know they’ll work for you too!

1.    Guy Time

Women- give him a break!  You both need “me time” so you can appreciate one another more fully.  Be glad he’s out of your hair for a bit and enjoy the night to yourself. Fill yourself up in ways that nourish your Spirit from the inside out.  When your man wants his guy-time, if you have any feelings of abandonment, or rejection, don’t blame him. Think of the time as gift – your own personal quiet time to reflect on why your heart is closing so you can feel the feelings you have been repressing. Let your feelings surface with compassion for yourself, let them dissolve and see what wise lesson grace your consciousness. Fill the void with self love, self care and pleasure from the inside out. Intend to feel the pleasure of simply being a sensual woman. Allow the old neediness to transform into healthy heartfelt yearning for your beloved, flooding your open heart.

2.    Girl Time

Women- Nothing in this world can replace a great group of women, women that hear you, see you, love you and will tell you the truth. Aren’t you jealous of the fab relationships the women from Sex & the City enjoy?  Surround yourself with women that are positive, that support you and care for you.  Find a Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha and enjoy great relationships.  Let go of any time spent with women who gossip, man bash, compete or complain… life is too short to spend your precious downtime with people that bring you down.  Do a girlfriend review – after you have a phone call, lunch or Girls’ Night Out how do you feel?  Are you depleted or nourished? Did you feel heard? Did you relax to your core and not have to work to get a word in? Did you feel reminded of your worth for being exactly who you are? Spend regular time with Goddesses who remind you of your worth and celebrate a sensual existence.

3.    The Modern Way to Dance for Him

Pole-dancing classes are all the rage – seems everyone is doing it.  Celebrities like Cindy Crawford, Kate Hudson and Jessica Alba do it and even Oprah had a pole dancing segment on her show! 

All this talk got me thinking about my experiences with sexy dancing.  One day, when my first husband was working from home I thought I’d surprise him with a little naughty dancing.  Imagine my surprise when he shooed me away saing he way too busy.  Really?  Ouch!  Being one that isn’t deterred easily, I tried it again with my second husband.  I did a strip-tease and he got so nervous and fidgety I felt sorry for him and certainly not sexy – strike two!  Common denominator – me. 

Since I thought it was me, I figured I should take a class. So off to the pole-dancing studio I went.  By the end of the second class I was in tears.  Yep, that’s right, crying at a pole-dancing studio.  I realized that in my own little box I was comfortable being sexy but any expression outside of that made me feel ashamed and scared of being judged and rejected.  I learned that I because I was uncomfortable I was attracting men who were also uncomfortable with their sexuality – a true light bulb moment! 

You’ll be happy to hear to I’ve met a new man who LOVES my dancing which makes me really enjoy it and feel free to express my coyness, my inner nasty girl as well as my goddess, my queen, my sacred feminine spirit

GO FOR IT! Dance for him, yet first dance for you and come to peace with exactly who you are. Perfectly imperfect. Whole and Complete. Glorious, Luscious You.

Here are the amazing luscious incredible Goddess Festival Speakers from past Saturday in Laguna Beach… Marigold Somerset, myself, Luan Mitchell, Dr. Elizabeth Lambaer and Kelly Sullivan Walden!

We gave of our deepest hearts and truths, we became closer friends and we hope we take this event to Los Angeles!

I am so honored to speak along side these woman.

I am humbled to be on my path.

Follow your dreams, amazing things happen. Unexpected, never on time, many times better than you could ever imagine.

Deepest love, Allana xoxox